Confidence Person

There's a secret to confidence. Except it's not a secret. Because I'm going to tell you.

I was talking to my pal Marko a few days ago, and he told me “I just need your confidence.”

And because I’m a kind person, I told Marko what I believe is the secret to being confident. And because I’m even kinder than the previous sentence led you to believe, I’m going to tell you that secret, too.

It matters. Confidence isn’t just good for you; it’s good for the person you’re pitching/meeting/selling to. It’s easier to trust that you know what you’re talking about — and that you’re right — when you approach the conversation (or presentation) confidently.

Here’s the trick: Confidence is literally indistinguishable from… faked confidence.

Yes. That’s right. The secret to confidence is faking it till you make it, and the truth is that you’ve made it (in the eye of the confidence beholder) the moment you’ve faked it.

Confidence is tone, word choice, and vibe. Confidence is a gut feeling.

You don’t need to be Meryl Streep to pull off a confident vibe. You don’t even have to believe in yourself — though you should, and it certainly helps. But the reality is that speaking in a (faked) confident-sounding tone has no perceptible difference to your audience than speaking with actual confidence. Do it enough, and you’ll see continued success, which in turn should help you build the real confidence you’re faking.

Marko’s been making videos. (He has a cooking series you should check out called Probably Worth Sharing.) Marko told me that making those videos has been great for him and his confidence. When you’re filming digitally, you can effectively have as many takes as you want, and when we see the finished product, we just see all your best takes back to back. And of course we can’t see that this is take seven of that particular line delivery — so you look totally confident, and we’re none the wiser.

You don’t get multiple takes when you’re speaking live, of course, but the same effect applies: Project confidence, whether you feel it or not, and that’s what everyone else will perceive.