Expanding on the kindly brontosaurus

Boy, if you don't know what I'm talking about, that title makes absolutely no sense.

Most of Your Intermittent Lex is available for free to everyone. Some folks choose to become paid subscribers, which is of course incredibly kind. A small number of posts are just for them. This is one of them, but here’s a short preview for everyone.

A decade ago — and wow does that hit me hard, that this was a full decade ago — Jessica Winter published a story that stuck with me for Slate, which she called “The Kindly Brontosaurus.” (For what it's worth, I always always think of it as “The Friendly Brontosaurus,” and mistakenly used “Friendly” several times in my original draft of this piece.)

smiling happy cartoon brontosaurus

The key section is reproduced below, but I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing:

A practitioner, nay, an artist, of the Kindly Brontosaurus method would approach the gate agent as follows. You state your name and request. You make a clear and concise case. And then, after the gate agent informs you that your chances of making it onto this flight are on par with the possibility that a dinosaur will spontaneously reanimate and teach himself to fly an airplane, you nod empathically, say something like “Well, I’m sure we can find a way to work this out,” and step just to the side of the agent’s kiosk.

Here is where the Kindly Brontosaurus rears amiably into the frame. You must stand quietly and lean forward slightly, hands loosely clasped in a faintly prayerful arrangement. You will be in the gate agent’s peripheral vision—close enough that he can’t escape your presence, not so close that you’re crowding him—but you must keep your eyes fixed placidly on the agent’s face at all times. Assemble your features in an understanding, even beatific expression. Do not speak unless asked a question. Whenever the gate agent says anything, whether to you or other would-be passengers, you must nod empathically.

Continue as above until the gate agent gives you your seat number. The Kindly Brontosaurus always gets a seat number.

I have many, many thoughts on this piece.