Great post, and I've shared this around a lot. But I'm getting comments from a friend who says this is NOT her experience as a woman. When she's direct, she gets a lot of feedback that she's "brusque" or "short" or "difficult," or her tone is "overly aggressive."
I appreciate this comment, and I hate the workplace sexism you're flagging here. For what it's worth, I got _much_ better at this approach to being direct by watching others model it, including some powerful, strong women.
I don't have all the answers here, of course. But I wonder if there's an approach where your friend can at least directly take on the potential negative perception while being direct about the other thing, too. (It sucks to even have to consider doing this, for what it's worth, and I fully acknowledge that.) If there is that desire not to get those crappy labels, though, here's an example of the approach I'd consider:
“Glen I'm going to be direct, but my aim isn't to come off as brusque or short, I'm just trying to optimize this meeting for all of us and make sure we're getting the best use for everyone's time. We’re asking you detailed questions, and you’re giving gruff, one-word answers. I think we should reschedule so that we can give the rest of the team some time back now."
Let me reiterate: It sucks that someone would have to do this extra couching. But framing the direct feedback as explicitly _for the benefit of everyone else_ makes it harder to label the feedback provider as negative.
Great post, and I've shared this around a lot. But I'm getting comments from a friend who says this is NOT her experience as a woman. When she's direct, she gets a lot of feedback that she's "brusque" or "short" or "difficult," or her tone is "overly aggressive."
I appreciate this comment, and I hate the workplace sexism you're flagging here. For what it's worth, I got _much_ better at this approach to being direct by watching others model it, including some powerful, strong women.
I don't have all the answers here, of course. But I wonder if there's an approach where your friend can at least directly take on the potential negative perception while being direct about the other thing, too. (It sucks to even have to consider doing this, for what it's worth, and I fully acknowledge that.) If there is that desire not to get those crappy labels, though, here's an example of the approach I'd consider:
“Glen I'm going to be direct, but my aim isn't to come off as brusque or short, I'm just trying to optimize this meeting for all of us and make sure we're getting the best use for everyone's time. We’re asking you detailed questions, and you’re giving gruff, one-word answers. I think we should reschedule so that we can give the rest of the team some time back now."
Let me reiterate: It sucks that someone would have to do this extra couching. But framing the direct feedback as explicitly _for the benefit of everyone else_ makes it harder to label the feedback provider as negative.
Glen and Dave, those boys lol.